This is part two of a two part series, adapted from an article by By Marji McClure
published in CareerSmart Advisor by ExecuNet

“ From an organizational effectiveness standpoint, we strongly believe that organizations won’t deal effectively with conflict unless the leaders develop their personal conflict competence and champion organization-wide competence. One reason that it is so difficult to develop is that conflict management encompasses a variety of leadership capabilities. “It is a ‘metaskill’ made up of a number of different competencies along with emotional intelligence: self-awareness; empathy; listening skills; composure; ability to read others; building effective teams; and the ability to take the heat,” explains Costello.

Changing Your Outlook
The first step in developing your conflict management skills is to understand that conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing. “Conflict helps to raise and address previously unseen problems; it can re-energize focus on the most appropriate issues, and it helps create an environment of openness, participation, and acknowledgement of diverse insights,” says Linda Dominguez, CEO and executive strategist at Executive Coaching and Resource Network Inc. “ The conflict itself isn’t really the problem. But when the conflict is not managed well, it becomes a problem.”

Experts agree that the next step is to accept that conflict exists. “This requires self-awareness, as sometimes the core conflict is internal within the executive,” adds Dominguez. “Self-awareness allows the executive to clearly and objectively identify the conflict and resolve it (or empower others to resolve it) in the most appropriate way.”

Leaders need to also be able to identify conflict quickly. “ Executives ne Conflict Management @ Talent Tools ed the ability to get a sense of the contours of the conflict as it is unfolding,” says Holly Weeks, author of Failure to Communicate: How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them. “ They need to know their own strengths and weaknesses in dealing with conflict in order to build on the first and offset the second. Most need to get beyond their old habits and develop a repertoire of responses to what is likely to come up in a conflict conversation.” Runde, director of new program development at The Leadership Development Institute (LDI) in St. Petersburg, Florida says he and Flanagan use a “Conflict Dynamics Profile” assessment instrument as one way in which to develop this self-awareness. Flanagan is director of custom programs at LDI.)

The Training Component
Changing your behavior toward conflict isn’t easy, and since it is such a challenge, experts agree that training and coaching are necessary.

According to Sandi DiMola, director of the Center for the Study of Conflict at Chatham University in Pittsburgh, coaching can help with these basics: using “I” statements, active listening, and distinguishing positions from interests. “The best way to learn conflict management skills, after initial coaching, is to practice,” says DiMola. “In the training that I do, I use a guide to cooperative problem-solving with role plays and exercises that are geared toward showing individuals their approaches to conflict and how those approaches can be modified.”

Role-playing and practice are key components of conflict management training. Repetition is crucial in learning these skills. Glaser notes how her sessions help leaders understand that they shouldn’t fear conflict. “There are skills we teach around context-setting, perspectives sharing, deep-listening for needs and understanding as well as asking the ‘what if ’ questions,” she says. Experts agree that this exercise of actually showing executives how to work through an entire conflict process is among the most effective forms of training. “When I mediate conflicts, I insist that part of the process is to learn as we work the conflict through so that the executives involved get a double benefit: the conflict resolved and skills that can be applied throughout one’s career,” says Ramerman, author of Why Dogs Wag Their Tails: Lessons Leaders Can Learn About Work, Joy, and Life.

When It Works

Whether you resolve conflict through coaching techniques or bring in an outside party to facilitate, the end result is a more productive organization: one in which team members can come together to accomplish common goals.

“What I see occurring most consistently and most positively from the actual utilization of constructive conflict is a new way of seeing things by the individual whose thinking has been challenged and, in many cases, the thinking of the entire team can also be swayed and broadened to see and think differently,” says Xavier. “It’s really all about perspective, isn’t it? If handled properly, I’m not trying to ‘win’ you over. I’m trying to get you to see differently so that you may see something through different eyes.”

“ By using constructive conflict behaviors, the executive can help promote robust discussion and, at the same time, keep it from becoming negative,” adds Runde. “When this happens, new ideas are generated and good decisions are made because various approaches are adequately vetted.” The possibilities for new and effective ideas become practically endless, as a truly collaborative environment is created. It is a culture in which individuals aren’t afraid to share their ideas because they know they will receive equal attention.

“When executives enable open, honest, robust debate, previously unimaginable suggestions and solutions become possible,” says Flanagan. “Participants in such discussions stay focused on the substance of the ideas instead of the distractions related to criticism, blame or cynicism.” Teams are then more convinced that a resolution in which everyone is comfortable can be reached. “Leaders have an opportunity to set a positive example when it comes to handling conflict by addressing it with a positive and welcoming attitude, as well as working to resolve it with an open and ‘win/win’ outcome in mind, where possible,” adds Chang. “With the appropriate skills, leaders can build upon the opportunities that this diversity provides for the greater good of the teams and organizations they lead.”

Expert Resources:
• Richard Chang, Richard Chang Associates Inc. (RichardChangAssociates.com)
• Patrick Costello, LeaderSource (LeaderSource.com)
• Delida Costin, The Law Office of Delida Costin (delida@costinlegal.com)
• Linda Dominguez, Executive Coaching and Resource Network Inc.
(Executive-Coaching.com)
• Sandi DiMola, Chatham University (StudyConflict.org)
• Tim Flanagan, The Leadership Development Institute (Eckerd.edu)
• Judith Glaser, Benchmark Communications Inc. (CreatingWeInstitute.com)
• Jim Ramerman, McArdle Ramerman Inc. (LeadershipRising.com)
• Marcia Reynolds, Outsmart Your Brain (OutsmartYourBrain.com)
• Craig Runde, The Leadership Development Institute (Eckerd.edu)
• Holly Weeks, Holly Weeks Communication (HollyWeeks.com)
• Stephen Xavier, Cornerstone Executive Development Group (Cornerstone-